So, after a lapse of over three months, I am
getting back to this project of working on a more complete guide to child
development and parenting in the first five years of life that I began some 10
months ago. I am hoping that some of you who read this will throw in your own
questions, criticisms or observations which will help guide me as I continue to
work on this. What is written at this point is still open to change Read on for material from Chapter VII. The First Two Months ...
One thing you should know about babies is that
they are born with all the equipment in their brain to respond to the
appropriate stimuli in their environment so as to develop in a normal and
healthy way. Right there, you can see that there are two things we are talking
about. On the one hand, we are talking about a baby who has a brain that is a
"self-organizing system." On the other hand, we are
talking about your relationship as parents with your baby. You are the ones who
have to give it the right stimuli and challenges in just the right dose, at the
right place and time, for it to develop normally. In other words, the baby
requires a good relationship with its parents for optimal development.
Now don't worry about things
such as what are the right stimuli, when is the right time, how much of a
challenge etc. On the one hand, just watch and respond to your infant according
to their signals to you. On the other hand, doing that in a good way really
comes naturally to most of us. If you are really unsure about yourself, perhaps
because you know your upbringing was not the best and are therefore concerned
about whether you will do the right job, that might be the time to do some more
reading, watch appropriate YouTube videos or even see a professional.
Another thing that is good to
know is that much of this development for the first six months to a year is
based on feeling, or affect, to use a more technical term. That is because, if
you think about it, your baby is not really thinking yet like you do. He or she
is just experiencing life and his or her optimal development depends on you
providing the right experiences. Even when the baby begins to organize its
brain in a pre-thinking way, in what we refer to as 'representations', it still
has no words to put around what it is experiencing and feeling. This comes
later. What is going on in its brain now is referred to therefore as primary process, a primitive level of experience and response.
All of these experiences are
shaping how parts of the brain and the connections between them are developing.
The sharing or exchanging of feelings, or affect, in these early months, is the
means by which the social environment in which the baby is being brought up
influences the development of the brain in important ways that will eventually
lead to self-regulation. This refers, of course, to the ability of a person to
control their own feelings, especially anger, which is something we all want of
our children, and the sooner the better. Too many tantrums over too long a
period of time can be quite trying to the best of parents, not to mention the problems that will surface when the child starts school.
The other important thing that
is going on here, if things are going well, is the increasing level of comfort,
understanding and trust that develop between parent and child, which we can
refer to as attunement. How well this is going will determine how child's
attachment style will be shaped. Attachment, of course, is that important
element of the person that describes and determines how they relate to others.
On the other hand, or
conversely, if a baby is not sharing good experiences, if there is not good
attunement to the environment, excessively high levels of negative feeling or
affect can actually slow down or inhibit the development or growth of these
important systems that lead to self-regulation. The development that occurs
here is not only psychological, but also has to do with the body's physical
function and regulation or homeostasis. I am referring to disturbances that
eventually result in things like headaches, stomach upset, sleep problems,
bowel problems and even skin conditions. Of course, poorly or unregulated
control of stress on the infant and in the interaction with the caregiver can
cause insecure and other abnormal types of attachment and, if severe and prolonged enough, lead to other
brain disorders or psychopathology such as personality disorders, anxiety,
depression, and in the worst-case scenarios lay the groundwork for the
development of a psychopathic or sociopathic person. All of these conditions,
if experience and the environment continue to add to them in a negative sense as a child
grows, can ultimately also yield to worse disorganization of the self, or
psychosis.
