Sunday, 23 August 2015

Retirement I - Those Pre(?)-retirement Blues


This is August 2015. I retired from my practice of psychiatry at the end of June, 2013. However, I continue to work 2.5 days per week. How does that work, you may ask? Indeed, I sometimes ask that myself as at times I feel like it is not working… for me.

You see, I had given my employer 6 months notice. By the time four months had elapsed it was evident there was no one in sight to replace me. A certain streak of altruism reared its head and I proposed going back to work at one of the 2 programs I had been involved in for 2 days a week. After some time, my former Department Head and Medical Leader came back saying they really needed me at the other site as well, and we compromised at a half-time schedule covering both sites.

The upside is that I have 4 day weekends. I am also still earning money. This turned out to come in handy. We thought we had our financial affairs all in order, and indeed we did. However, as the old saying goes, the best laid plans of mice and men can go astray. Or, as my wife likes to say, "Man plans and God laughs." A certain family member needed a cash infusion, so continued income helped deal with that rather than it come out of our nest egg.

It had been a struggle for me to decide when to retire in the first place. You see, going into medicine had never been my goal. I believed, as a Christian, that it came as a call from God during the summer between my first and 2nd years when I was studying in our denomination's then Bible college in Winnipeg (then known as Canadian Mennonite Bible College, it is now known as Canadian Mennonite University). So, not surprisingly I should think, I reasoned that I should also receive some message from The Divine indicating when I should "retire" from this calling. Perhaps retirement is not in God's vocabulary. It is certainly not a word or concept found in the Bible.

Perhaps I was becoming impatient like the Israelite judge Gideon, who tested God with several challenges before he took him at his word. I have kept casting about for post-retirement opportunities, but must say that nothing really appealing has surfaced in the last 2-3 years. Some hooks that I threw out came up empty. Others came back with somewhat disappointing "catches." I have always tried to be humble and do what is required of me, however some of these "possibilities" really did not look like they were going to satisfactorily make use of the training and experience of my years as a physician. I discussed this with a wise pastor and she supported me in thinking that I should not, in effect, waste my talents and abilities as I would have in some of these openings.

So, here I am, over 2 years later, still working half-time. There are elements of comfort and habit to work one has done for more or less one's adult lifetime. There are some days when I don't really want to go to work the next morning. However, when I get there and prepare to carry out the expected work, my mind seems to shift and I can have some still very good experiences. Sometimes it seems that the prospect of looming retirement and perhaps the ending of all of this sharpens one's vision and makes one appreciate even more where one has gone and is.

During the years leading up to my retirement, I had a number of ideas of things I wanted to do. However, as time passes and I grow older, some of those possibilities begin to look less realistic. Some are simply no longer as appealing. Sometimes I wonder how much of that is the prolonged nature of my moving into retirement and how much of it is reality and my aging. In some ways this dragged-out move into retirement has turned out to be somewhat of a negative. Maybe the previous department head was wise when he totally quit 4 years ago, never to turn back.

Meanwhile, I continue to try to do the best I can with the work I have and keeping up with the education required to stay abreast in this profession. I learned within the past couple of months that there is now  someone who has expressed an interest in coming to take my place. Whether this would totally cover the time I am giving or not is not clear. If it doesn't quite optimally do so, do I continue on at an even  more reduced rate of work? That has various implications with things like insurance. Or do I stop and let the programs carry on as best they can?


I'm waiting. Stay tuned.

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